Wandering in

*Wanders onto blog*

*Looks around*

Hello?

*Hears crickets*

All right, all right, I guess it’s been a while. I’ve been meaning to update for weeks, (really!) but every time I get around to doing so, something stops me. For instance, Baby 2 has been taking a nice nap and now I can hear him starting to squish. So we’ll see how far this gets…

Writing update first. The editing is going well – better than I would have expected at this point. I’m on page 184 of 221 and most days I am managing my daily five page quota. This is just a first-pass edit – if there is a section that requires a rewrite or much more thought I’ve merely highlighted it to go back to later. That way, these sections can simmer in my brain and perhaps by the time I get back to them I’ll be able to whip them off no problem. My feedback has also continued to be quite positive. I had an intense critique of my opening chapter a few weeks ago – we spent over an hour on it and I wound up having to revise a major detail, but, even then, the overall reviews were very good. And the feedback on the rewrite of that chapter was even better. One of my readers sent me a fabulous screamy visceral response that I go back to and read every time I’m feeling discouraged. That kind of review is *exactly* what my confidence needs.

And my confidence does need a bit of boosting these days. I’ve received nothing but resounding silence from a contact that I’d hoped to get some advice from (to be fair, I may have used an inactive email address, so I’m going to send a follow-up to the other address this week). But there is also the lingering fear of reaching the final stage in a project. And by ‘final stage’ I do not mean that I’ll finish up the first-pass edit, or even the major rewrite sections and say that’s that. But I am reaching the end of the first-pass edit stage. Which means that, at least once the rewrites are done, if I want to do something further with this story I’m going to have to, well, do it. And that thought is vaguely terrifying. I think that part of my sudden lack of confidence in the whole thing is the fact that the great maw of attempting publication is yawning before me with its contingent of monsters including rejection letters, editors telling me to change major details, bad reviews, etc etc etc. But if I decide I’m no good at this, I can just walk away, right?

Except that I can’t. I did walk away once, for a time. Not because I didn’t believe I was any good but because I didn’t have a major project to work on and I had a toddler keeping me busy most of the time. So the writing fell away. And I was miserable for it. I’d been writing my entire life and that was the only significant break I took from it. Yes, the yawning maw is scary. But it’s what I’ve worked towards for my entire life. So, likely in the next two weeks I’m going to have to get out my rappelling gear and start slipping down into the unknown.

Okay, that was the writing update. Onto the baby update! Baby 2 is wonderful and HUGE. He’s just over two months now and he’s already 16 pounds! He’s also my little wonderbaby – almost never cries, was able to hold his head up on day 1, was able to roll over at 6 weeks, sleeps most nights, plays with his toy on level 2 (for sitting babies, which he doesn’t yet do but is far more interested in that level). He has a little baby cold right now, which has turned his squeaks (his trachea hasn’t completely closed yet) into snuffle squeaks which are insanely cute but also very heartbreakingly sad. I have a cold too, but that’s far less important.

And, continuing proud mama time, Kid 1 is reading! He brings home these little readers from school that he’s never seen before and he reads them to me! It blows my mind to see this world opening up before him. Seems unbelievable that a mere five years ago he was as tiny and helpless as his brother. Nothing makes time fly quite like having kids.

There! I made it through a post. At this rate, maybe I’ll be able to unload the 158 pictures that are sitting on my camera from the past two weeks, catch up on some of the blogs that I follow, or do some editing for one of my dearest friends who is also a brilliant writer.

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10 thoughts on “Wandering in

  1. Wow, Brilliant is quite the strong word. That friend of yours might get an ego at this rate… 🙂

    Glad to hear it’s going well though. I have to say though, Kid 1 taking so well to reading doesn’t surprise me in the slightest. Look at his parents. It was bound to be the case. Tell him Aunt Julie misses him.

    And get better, you. No being sick. I promise, I’m working on the same.

  2. You’re right, I should be careful what I say. 😉
    I’m working on getting better but not being able to nap during the day doesn’t help things.

  3. I think it’s fantastic that you’re continuing to move through the editing process, even with the daunting feeling/fear of, “now what?” People always talk about fear of failure, but there’s also fear of success. Both are completely natural, and I’ve experienced (and probably will again) both at many times throughout my life. Both can be overwhelming.

    BUT, I read a quote today that really spoke to me: “When you feel like quitting, think about why you started.” Hope it inspires you too!

  4. You had me laughing at ‘there! I made it through a post!’ I find I’m constantly racing through a 30-minute cartoon to get in some blog reading. I have one ear on the TV and can tell when the cartoon is winding down–that means my kids will be heading my way in less than a minute. I am sure I learned how to type faster since being a mother!

    Congrats on editing, too. That can be more tough than the initial writing.

    • I’ve found it so difficult to keep up with all of the blogs I follow. I need to get some sort of blog-reading program that will put them all in one place for me…

      I find editing so tedious compared to writing…for one of my rewrite sections I had to ask two of my test readers if it actually needed a rework or if I was just so sick of editing and desperate to write something new that I was looking for excuses to do so. (turns out they agreed that reworking might be a good plan).

  5. Oh, how wonderful to get an update! It sounds like things are going swimmingly and I’m really pleased to hear it. 🙂
    Two months has just raced by (!!!) but its great to hear that you’re still managing to edit and get things done.
    Looking forward to your next check in!

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