I truly want it.

I’ve recently decided to join this century and get a Twitter account. And by ‘recently’ I mean a couple of weeks ago and by ‘decided’ I mean a friend talked me into it. So I gave it a shot and discovered, much to my chagrin, that “Fictional Impulse” is one character too long for our friends at Twitter. As such, my Twitter account is @FictionImpulse (and eventually this blog might change to reflect that depending on how it goes). So please feel free to come follow me. And I do update it more often than I do this blog. I promise.

Last week (I think, the days are starting to blur), I also finished the first edit of the manuscript! I settled in to edit a single scene and when I realized how close I was to the end, I decided to just keep going. That meant that I stayed up far too late, but I stay up far too late most nights anyhow – and surely this is a better reason than watching TV. This does not mean, in any way, that I’m about to be sending my work off to a publisher. There is a lot of minor rewriting to be done (highlighted paragraphs here and there that need reworking) as well as one major rewrite section (Chapter 2). I need to go through it with a broader comb now and look for content edit questions. And I also need to put it through a few readers, only one of which I’ve selected. Oh, and I’d like to have all of that done by the end of the summer at the ABSOLUTE latest. What with all of my free time, that’s a totally realistic deadline. Right?

Since I finished that first pass edit a week ago, I’ve also done the first draft rewrite of Chapter 2. Am I thrilled with it? Well, I’m not sure. I wrote it whilst killing time in a bad mood with a few glasses of wine and haven’t looked at it since. But even if it needs to be completely rehashed, I do know that I like the *idea* that is now committed to paper (screen) and that’s most important for me. I can massage the words themselves later. It was the idea that needed to be reworked.

Other writing related stuff…my crit class is done until the fall but in the meantime several of us have decided to run a little writer’s group over the summer which I’m quite enjoying. I’ve received a few more copies of my rewrite of Chapter 1 back and everyone seems to think I pulled it off and pulled it off well.  And scenes from Book 2 are slowly starting to pull themselves together. On the one hand, I’d like them to pull themselves together a bit quicker. On the other hand, I don’t see myself having time to even start the thing until September.

Despite all of the time I spent worrying about how on earth I was going to write while Kid 1 was on holidays, I can already see that that’s not going to be the issue. Kid 1 will leave me alone for an hour if I ask him too. He knows how to play by himself, he just doesn’t always want to do so. The problem is going to be my sweet little baby who I love to bits and who has decided that napping is for suckers (that being said, he is napping right now for once, which is why you’re getting a post).  He’s teething, of course, and is therefore more often miserable than he has usually been. And when I can manage to get him down for a nap it’s usually not for more than half an hour tops. Even less if I happen to get him napping in his crib. He does sleep most nights though, so I suppose this is what I get for having that luxury.

To top it all off, I’d really like to get back into painting. I’ve been feeling a rather desperate need to re-centre as well, which means I should start exercising and taking yoga again too. I feel like, especially with the writing, I need to carve out a time to do it, but every time I settle down and try to figure out how I’m completely flummoxed. Get up really early like 4am writer or go to bed really late? Neither seems doable…I’m not a morning person at all and by night I’m just exhausted. I do stay up  too late most nights but I tend not to expend any more energy than it takes to watch some television. But the days are so unpredictable. Even if I do get the baby on a schedule, how much am I going to accomplish if he only sleeps for twenty minutes??

This is my mantra right now and believe me when I say I’m clinging to it: If you truly want it, you’ll find a way. If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse.

Still here! Really!

Neglecting my blog, you say?  Whatever do you mean?

In my defence, last week got completely derailed by a very sick bunny and then -on  the same night – kid 1 getting sick as well.  Kid 1 is fine now and as for bunny…we’ll see.  He’s responding well to his medication but there’s still some question about what all of this ultimately means that I don’t want to think about.

On the upside, before any of this happened I had already hit word count for last week.  And I’m really glad about that since I didn’t get any writing done on Friday (looking after sick kid 1 all day), or Saturday (trying to keep no-longer-sick kid entertained all day since he still wasn’t allowed to be ‘around people’) or Sunday (trying to catch up on all of the little things that didn’t get done on Friday or Saturday).  All of that meant that I felt like I started this week somewhat behind the eight ball.

Word count this week – Sunday aside – is, however, going remarkably well.  Yesterday’s quota was 2000 words and I managed 6373, which is a record for me on this project.  Today’s was 1000 (since I was out for most of the morning) and I did 2800.  That means that I’m more than halfway into my quota for the week already.  Not that I’m going to stop or relax about it or anything, but it’s always nice to have productive days.  I’m both excited and nervous about the next sections as it is one of the few parts where I’ll be completely branching into new territory – the next two sections (at least) are not even loosely based on MS1 or MS2.  Even if the previous sections have been completely rewritten, I usually have the ‘original’ beside me, even as a very rough guide.  These next parts are completely original and not stemming from either…I’m stopping myself from getting started on them this afternoon only because I think another night of mulling them over in my head would probably do me some good.

(That being said, I might very well start in on it today.)

And how Fridays should *not* be.

Feeling very creatively stuck right now.  The week has been ridiculously productive – after that short stumble on Sunday, I have managed to go above and beyond my word-count quota every single day.  Except today.  There’s no real reason for this.  I spent the morning in a coffeeshop, rather than at my usual table, looking out the window.  I had my coffee this morning, and it was even reasonable coffeeshop coffee, rather than what I make.  I probably haven’t had enough sleep, but I never have enough sleep.  Kid 1 slept through the night, and while baby 2 is making me uncomfortable, it’s certainly no more so than usual.  Due to my coffeeshop drop-off this morning, I even got in a short walk this morning coming home…and with the weather the way it is, it’s unlikely I would have left my house otherwise.

The story itself isn’t the issue either.  I know where I am in the plot, I know exactly what happens next.  This is not one of those dreaded issues or bottlenecks that I’m sure will be upcoming.  The words themselves just aren’t there.  When they do come, they’re plodding, annoying to me.  There’s no lyricism in them and that makes them both difficult to write and irritating to read over.

I’ve taken breaks.  I went and read some more of Daemon Prism (which, while wonderful, makes my current lack of lyricism feel particularly glaring).  I took my walk.  I emailed some friends.  Hell, I even went and made myself a smoothie instead of throwing myself into the familiar comfort of coffee and (mostly likely) cookies.  (that being said, coffee is likely to follow said smoothie).

I’m beginning to wonder if I’m putting too much pressure on myself, if I should try to cut my wordcount down…not a lot, just a little…so that I can concentrate more on crafting the work rather than just writing down words.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m pleased with what I’ve done up to this point.  But I want to make sure that I’m working with the skill I know I’m capable of.  Of course, the thought of cutting down wordcount scares me because it means first draft might not be done by baby 2.  And that worries me quite a bit.

And yes, I recognize that there’s a good chance that this pressure and stress is contributing to this (hopefully temporary) dry spell.

Mostly I feel like my Muse, my truly creative and inspired side, has decided to take a rather determined nap.   And while I feel that she likely needs to be poked, probably with something sharp, I’m more than willing to listen to suggestions of other ways I might wake her up.